1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:05,480
This programme contains
very strong language and some scenes
of a sexual nature.

2
00:00:05,480 --> 00:00:07,080
Oi!  Mmm?  Nic, look.

3
00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:09,760
Come here.

4
00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:11,160
SHE LAUGHS What?

5
00:00:11,160 --> 00:00:12,720
I made you something.

6
00:00:15,280 --> 00:00:18,200
I wrote "merry Xmas" in the snow.

7
00:00:18,200 --> 00:00:20,120
THEY LAUGH

8
00:00:20,120 --> 00:00:21,760
How did you do the X?

9
00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:24,720
Well, thank you for asking.
I did a line...  Mm-hm.

10
00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,280
..and I stopped mid-flow
and I readjusted

11
00:00:27,280 --> 00:00:29,480
and I finished the other line.

12
00:00:29,480 --> 00:00:31,200
That's really great.  Yeah?  OK.

13
00:00:34,240 --> 00:00:36,600
Where's this...train?

14
00:00:36,600 --> 00:00:38,400
Oh, my God, there's a pound there.

15
00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:41,160
I'm going to get you that pound.
Do you want a pound?  Oh, my God.

16
00:00:41,160 --> 00:00:43,520
Don't! What are you doing?
I'm getting you a pound!  Don't!

17
00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:46,280
Please! You'll get run...
For Christmas!  You'll get run over!

18
00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:47,600
Oh, my God.

19
00:00:49,240 --> 00:00:51,960
Oh, you're going to hurt yourself
as well, you fucking...

20
00:00:51,960 --> 00:00:54,840
HE BURPS
Oh, God.  Oh, bloody bhaji breath.

21
00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:57,040
Train's here.  Do you think?

22
00:01:04,360 --> 00:01:05,800
HE SIGHS, SHE LAUGHS

23
00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:08,360
Come back to mine
and we can have a bath together.

24
00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:10,560
What? That's so weird.

25
00:01:19,640 --> 00:01:20,800
What?

26
00:01:20,800 --> 00:01:22,200
I fucking love you.

27
00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:23,600
SHE LAUGHS

28
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BEEPING

29
00:01:28,440 --> 00:01:30,520
I love you.

30
00:01:30,520 --> 00:01:31,960
THEY LAUGH

31
00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:37,480
Your coat's stuck in...!
You need to get help!

32
00:01:37,480 --> 00:01:39,360
THEY LAUGH

33
00:01:40,920 --> 00:01:43,160
Can you pull it from your side?
Oh, God.

34
00:01:43,160 --> 00:01:45,560
I just...
Can you open the...?

35
00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:48,560
Door's not opening.

36
00:01:48,560 --> 00:01:49,600
Push it.

37
00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:55,480
Open the doors!  Pull your coat!
I'm trying! I...

38
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TRAIN CLANKS Stop the fucking train!

39
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Stop the train!

40
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SHE SHRIEKS

41
00:02:02,480 --> 00:02:03,840
HE YELLS

42
00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:08,560
TV ON, GASPS

43
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She is vile.  A pig.

44
00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:14,880
A pig, a big toxic pig.

45
00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:16,720
She's just a narcissist.

46
00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:19,680
Narcissist! Exactly that.

47
00:02:19,680 --> 00:02:22,880
You know what I don't get
is lip fillers.

48
00:02:22,880 --> 00:02:25,440
Because you know
when someone's had it done,

49
00:02:25,440 --> 00:02:27,680
it's that sort of duck bottom.

50
00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:31,600
You haven't seen Mr Meowgi?
He hasn't touched his biscuit.

51
00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:35,080
No. No.

52
00:02:36,320 --> 00:02:38,480
Well, it's time to go.

53
00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:40,360
One minute.

54
00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:43,800
Mum! School! Gotta go to school.
Two minutes.

55
00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:46,520
Just let me watch the end of this.
You know what?

56
00:02:46,520 --> 00:02:47,840
Oh, my God.

57
00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:50,920
That's so unfair.

58
00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:54,840
Meow!

59
00:02:57,360 --> 00:02:59,480
Come on, we're going to be late
again!

60
00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:01,080
Just looking for my glasses.

61
00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:03,840
They're on your head, you doughnut!
Ugh.

62
00:03:03,840 --> 00:03:06,360
Yeah. Don't say the word doughnut,

63
00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:08,360
you sound like a Love Island
contestant.

64
00:03:08,360 --> 00:03:10,400
Wait.  No.  Wait!

65
00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:12,840
No. We're late.

66
00:03:13,920 --> 00:03:15,160
Oh, God.

67
00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:16,480
Bloody Lucy.

68
00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:20,480
Bet you she doesn't offer us a lift.
Don't, Mum.  All right?

69
00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:22,560
Don't!  Yeah.  We're late again.

70
00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:24,600
Oh, no.  Yeah.

71
00:03:25,840 --> 00:03:28,360
We'll walk!  All right, good luck!
Bye!

72
00:03:28,360 --> 00:03:30,680
I can't believe she didn't offer
us a lift.

73
00:03:30,680 --> 00:03:33,520
You don't like her anyway.  I know
I don't like her anyway, but...

74
00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:35,360
..you know, I'd like a lift.

75
00:03:35,360 --> 00:03:37,200
Do you think it's because
I haven't signed up

76
00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:38,520
to help with the hedgehog hunt?

77
00:03:38,520 --> 00:03:41,640
I'm not going to make
a potato salad for that.  Mum?

78
00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:43,520
Cow bag.  Mum!

79
00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:45,960
Please...let it go.

80
00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:51,040
SHE SIGHS I can't. I can't let it go.

81
00:03:51,040 --> 00:03:52,760
Oh, come on, Mum.  I'm too cross.

82
00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:55,760
Really, really, really rude.
All right.

83
00:03:55,760 --> 00:03:57,480
I had a dream last night.

84
00:03:57,480 --> 00:04:00,320
She did offer us a lift,
and I was so shocked,

85
00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:03,440
and then I was trying to
open the car door to get in,

86
00:04:03,440 --> 00:04:06,320
and my fingers just turned into
sort of like limp sausages.

87
00:04:06,320 --> 00:04:08,840
And that is the curse. Deep
in my psyche,

88
00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:11,080
I know she wouldn't offer us a lift.

89
00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:12,680
SCHOOL BELL RINGS

90
00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:14,160
Good luck! Bye!

91
00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:15,760
Come on, Mum.

92
00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:18,200
You all right?  Hey there.
How was your drive?

93
00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:21,200
Oh, lovely, thank you.
Oh, lovely. Good for you.

94
00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:22,440
Don't.

95
00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:24,920
I know! I know, she's a pain.

96
00:04:24,920 --> 00:04:27,080
Oh, are you having a problem
with the gate?

97
00:04:27,080 --> 00:04:29,960
It's Harry's first day, and I think
I've deleted the email.  2-4-7-8.

98
00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:31,760
Sorry, what?  2-4-7-8.

99
00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:33,920
Pikachu!

100
00:04:33,920 --> 00:04:35,320


101
00:04:35,320 --> 00:04:37,000
Oh, my God. Amazing.

102
00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:38,680
Thank you.  No problem.

103
00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:43,120
Ollie, please can you
hand these out to everybody?  Yes.

104
00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:45,720
Otherwise it's just going to be
Dennon that arrives,

105
00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:48,360
and the girl with the nits. Um...

106
00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:51,200
If they ask you why you were late,
what are you going to say?

107
00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:53,400
My legs hurts.  Yes! Your legs hurt.
Brilliant.

108
00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:56,520
And...what else was I going to say?
Oh, yes, I love you.

109
00:04:56,520 --> 00:04:58,480
I love you.  Whatever!

110
00:04:58,480 --> 00:05:00,840
"I love you, too, Mum."
"Do you really?"

111
00:05:00,840 --> 00:05:03,280
"Yes, I really, really, really do."

112
00:05:03,280 --> 00:05:05,800
TV:  I just think you should know
that he was seen last week

113
00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:08,760
at the Argyle
with a really hot girl.

114
00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:10,440
Like, really hot.

115
00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:11,880
What are you saying?

116
00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:15,280
VEHICLE PULLS UP

117
00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:16,760
Oh, fuck...

118
00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:19,680
VEHICLE DOOR CLOSES

119
00:05:25,640 --> 00:05:27,520
DOOR UNLOCKS

120
00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:29,840
Oh, babe, I was just popping out.

121
00:05:29,840 --> 00:05:32,360
Oh, my God. Are you all right?  No.

122
00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:34,600
What's wrong?  Nic, I can't.

123
00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:37,240
Nic, I can't.  Viv, what's happened?

124
00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:41,040
Viv, what's happened?  Can I have
a glass of water?  Yeah. Oh, my God.

125
00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:42,920
Look at that.
Tell me what's happened.

126
00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:46,160
Oh!  Oh, God. Viv, you're scaring me.
It was horrible.

127
00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:47,640
Viv!

128
00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:50,240
Viv.

129
00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:52,320
Oh, God.

130
00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:53,680
Viv, what happened?

131
00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:55,320
I'm going to tell you!

132
00:05:56,560 --> 00:05:58,360
I hit a pheasant.

133
00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:02,080
And then what happened?

134
00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:06,640
And its beak was like...

135
00:06:06,640 --> 00:06:09,000
It was one of the worst experiences
of my life.

136
00:06:13,360 --> 00:06:16,760
Gosh.  And I thought,
"Oh, it'll get out the road.

137
00:06:16,760 --> 00:06:19,640
"It'll get out the road now.
Surely it'll get out the road."

138
00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:21,840
And then I thought,
"Oh, it's out the road."

139
00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:24,280
But then it wasn't.
No, no, it was out the road.

140
00:06:24,280 --> 00:06:26,000
Oh, it was out the road.  It was.

141
00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:28,480
But then it went back in the road.
Right.

142
00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:32,360
Well, I mean, God has a plan
for all of us.

143
00:06:32,360 --> 00:06:35,000
Yeah, no, but, Nic, we've got to
just... I've just got to...

144
00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:36,680
Just please... Sorry, sorry.  Yeah.

145
00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:39,920
Just... We've got to do
a little prayer.  Oh, God. I can't...

146
00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:42,280
I can't do... I've never done any...
Just relax.

147
00:06:42,280 --> 00:06:45,120
You've got a big, big spirit.
I know you have.

148
00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:47,160
Just anything that comes in your...

149
00:06:47,160 --> 00:06:49,280
Pheasant, pheasant, er,

150
00:06:49,280 --> 00:06:51,480
your death was unpleasant.
Unpleasant.

151
00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:54,880
Er, so sad you didn't know...
Didn't...

152
00:06:54,880 --> 00:06:56,840
..the Highway Code.

153
00:06:56,840 --> 00:07:00,000
Maybe that would have
helped you cross the road.

154
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:04,240
Yeah.  But hopefully you can
cross over to heaven.

155
00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:06,720
I mean...

156
00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:09,920
Yeah.

157
00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:11,160
I-I feel...

158
00:07:11,160 --> 00:07:14,120
I feel like...  He's gone.
Yeah, gone.

159
00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:16,800
Wow, thank you. Yeah.

160
00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:18,320
I'm so sorry.

161
00:07:19,320 --> 00:07:20,720
Yeah.

162
00:07:20,720 --> 00:07:24,280
But I'm running really late...  Oh.
..to see a friend.

163
00:07:24,280 --> 00:07:25,640
Oh, OK. Who?

164
00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:29,800
Tony.  Oh.

165
00:07:29,800 --> 00:07:31,800
Oh, all right.
It's just... I just...

166
00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:35,240
So you're just g... What...
So what shall I do?

167
00:07:35,240 --> 00:07:37,960
I mean, the kitchen,
if that's all right.  Oh, OK.

168
00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:40,040
Start off in there.  OK.

169
00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:43,440
And the sink could do with
a bit of a bleach.

170
00:07:43,440 --> 00:07:45,680
Right. OK.  Thank you, Viv.

171
00:07:58,160 --> 00:07:59,880
SHOUTING FROM VIDEO

172
00:08:01,320 --> 00:08:03,200
SHE GASPS

173
00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:06,040
Stop waving that around in my face
like that.

174
00:08:06,040 --> 00:08:07,840
Oh, my God, throw your wine at him.

175
00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:09,880
Throw your wine at him,
throw your wine at him.

176
00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:11,920
SPLASH Yes!

177
00:08:11,920 --> 00:08:13,440
Take that!

178
00:08:13,440 --> 00:08:14,960
BLEEPING ON VIDEO

179
00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:16,720
I will sue you... VIDEO STOPS

180
00:08:16,720 --> 00:08:18,800
Oh, f... Oh, no!

181
00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:20,880
That was the best bit.

182
00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:22,720
Oh...bollocks.

183
00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:27,360
Where the fuck's the cat gone?

184
00:08:27,360 --> 00:08:28,960
Can't have gone out the gate,
can he?

185
00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:30,600
Did he eat his biscuits on Saturday?

186
00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:33,080
He definitely came in
for biscuits on Friday.

187
00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:35,040
Oh, Christ knows.

188
00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:41,680
Oh, she's still here.

189
00:08:41,680 --> 00:08:42,880
Fuck.

190
00:08:50,080 --> 00:08:52,080
SHE SIGHS

191
00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:02,600
Stop the train!

192
00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:03,960
SHE SCREAMS

193
00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:05,440
WOMAN SCREAMS

194
00:09:05,440 --> 00:09:06,560
Sorry.

195
00:09:11,520 --> 00:09:13,000
Hello?

196
00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:15,880
Sorry I'm late, I took the lads
to the pub for lunch.

197
00:09:15,880 --> 00:09:17,920
You all right, Dad?  Hey!

198
00:09:17,920 --> 00:09:21,160
BOTH:  I feel the need -
the need for speed.

199
00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:24,160
You all right, mate?  Yeah, I'm good.
You OK?  Yeah.

200
00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:25,920
What's that?  What? That?

201
00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:29,080
Oh, er, Stuart spit wine on me
over lunch. Idiot.

202
00:09:29,080 --> 00:09:30,360
Just so annoying.

203
00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:32,640
Any news on Mr Meowgi?  Oh, God.

204
00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:34,680
I put a post on Facebook, right,

205
00:09:34,680 --> 00:09:37,200
and the only person
that commented on it

206
00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:39,880
was a random woman
called Jackie Trinder.

207
00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:42,000
You'll never guess what she said.
What?

208
00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:44,320
Just wrote "lol".  That's helpful.

209
00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:47,280
You know, I've lost my cat,
I've got a distraught son,

210
00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:49,840
I've got this 50-year-old woman
trolling me.

211
00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:51,320
It's extraordinary.

212
00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:55,120
I have a horrible feeling he's got
trapped in some fence somewhere

213
00:09:55,120 --> 00:09:56,880
because he's such a fat fuck.

214
00:09:56,880 --> 00:09:59,160
Have you tried just standing
outside the back door

215
00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:01,840
with an electric can-opener?
No, thank you.

216
00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:05,000
God, Lucy was really off
with me today.

217
00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:06,600
I thought you didn't like Lucy.

218
00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:09,040
I don't like Lucy
but I want her to like me.

219
00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:12,480
Why?  Possibly because I'm insecure
and I've got no mates.

220
00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:14,080
HE BURPS AND FARTS

221
00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:15,960
I wasn't a dick
at Helen and Rob's, was I?

222
00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:17,840
I didn't get too pissed.

223
00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:19,920
No, you were funny.
I thought I was funny.

224
00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:21,560
I was funny.

225
00:10:21,560 --> 00:10:23,920
I was really, really funny.

226
00:10:23,920 --> 00:10:25,800
I'm not watching this shit.

227
00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:27,720
TV:  ..5ml lining paper,

228
00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:30,880
which will eradicate
any sort of imperfections.

229
00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:33,480
My husband's going to be back
any minute.

230
00:10:33,480 --> 00:10:37,600
Oh! He'll know that you're not just
here to sort out the plumbing!

231
00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:45,880
I can hear his key in the door.

232
00:10:45,880 --> 00:10:49,000
Oh, I can hear him
coming up the stairs.

233
00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:51,600
Oh, God. He's on the landing.
I can hear him on the landing.

234
00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:53,320
Ah!

235
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:56,200
MUSIC SWELLS

236
00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:58,960
THEY LAUGH

237
00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:05,680
Agh! Cramp.  Oh, God, sorry.

238
00:11:05,680 --> 00:11:07,360
Oh, shit. Sorry.
Are you all right?

239
00:11:07,360 --> 00:11:09,160
Just stretch it.
Stretch my foot out.  Yeah, yeah.

240
00:11:09,160 --> 00:11:11,160
Pull the toes back.  OK. Yeah, yeah.

241
00:11:11,160 --> 00:11:13,320
Agh!  I thought you were coming.

242
00:11:13,320 --> 00:11:15,240
No, I wasn't coming.  No?

243
00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:17,480
Oh! You're not doing it properly.

244
00:11:17,480 --> 00:11:19,280
Sorry.

245
00:11:19,280 --> 00:11:20,680
Agh! Fucking hell.

246
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:22,000
Do you want me to...?

247
00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:24,120
No, you're all right.

248
00:11:25,520 --> 00:11:27,280
Agh.

249
00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:29,320
SPLASHING

250
00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:31,040
SHE SIGHS

251
00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:33,920
HE SNORES

252
00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:40,000
SHE SIGHS

253
00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:43,720
SNORING CONTINUES

254
00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:04,280
PHONE VIBRATES

255
00:12:06,080 --> 00:12:08,240
Hello.

256
00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:10,200
Hello...

257
00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:16,000
HE MUMBLES

258
00:12:25,680 --> 00:12:27,560
No...

259
00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:38,000
We sort of lucked out at this stall
because nobody comes here.

260
00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:41,880
Everyone just bombs the hook-a-duck
stall.  Thank God for that!

261
00:12:43,440 --> 00:12:45,440
It's Jen, isn't it?  Yeah, yeah.

262
00:12:45,440 --> 00:12:46,960
Sorry, should have said. You're Nic?

263
00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:48,760
Yeah, yeah.  Yeah. Ollie's mum?

264
00:12:48,760 --> 00:12:50,200
Yes. Yeah, that's right. Yeah.

265
00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:52,840
Thank you for that invite,
by the way.

266
00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:54,480
Harry was really pleased.

267
00:12:54,480 --> 00:12:57,600
No, it's just the teacher
always makes us hands one out

268
00:12:57,600 --> 00:12:59,240
to every child in the class,

269
00:12:59,240 --> 00:13:02,520
so actually thank Mrs Morgan,
not me.

270
00:13:03,920 --> 00:13:05,640
OK.

271
00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:07,840
SHE PUFFS

272
00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:12,400
So who have you met so far?

273
00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:14,880
Oh, who have I met?
Just Lucy, really.

274
00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:16,520
Yeah, she's really nice, isn't she?

275
00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:18,680
Yeah. She's really nice.
Really, really nice.

276
00:13:18,680 --> 00:13:22,240
Just general salt of the earth,
nice...lady.

277
00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:26,280
I actually thought she was a bit
of a cunt, to be honest with you.

278
00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:28,240
Yes, she is.  Yeah. You agree?

279
00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:29,920
Yes, I do.  OK, good.

280
00:13:29,920 --> 00:13:31,360
Because it's not fair.

281
00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:33,320
Some of them must be...
Some of them must be nice.

282
00:13:33,320 --> 00:13:34,800
Well, I've been here five years.

283
00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:37,480
I've not made one single friend
with a mum.

284
00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:39,000
As they say, these things take time

285
00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:40,800
but you've had five years!

286
00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:43,040
Although I did see...tombola, Helen.

287
00:13:43,040 --> 00:13:45,600
Got invited to Helen and Rob's
the other day.  Right.

288
00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:48,560
I just got really smashed, just
to be able to deal with it.  Yeah.

289
00:13:48,560 --> 00:13:50,640
She made everybody sit down
at the dinner table

290
00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:52,360
and she did a quiz.

291
00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:54,600
Do you know
what one of the questions was?  What?

292
00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:56,560
What's the Latin for cat?

293
00:13:56,560 --> 00:13:58,280
What's the Latin for cat?

294
00:13:58,280 --> 00:13:59,840
Cattus.  Cattus.

295
00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:02,640
Then she asked us,
what is the Latin for rat?

296
00:14:02,640 --> 00:14:04,920
What is it?  Rattus.  Rattus.

297
00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:07,880
And then she asked us,
what's the Latin for bat?

298
00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:09,240
Is it battus?

299
00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:11,760
No, it's vespertilio.  Oh.

300
00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:19,760
Oh, wow.  You're great.

301
00:14:19,760 --> 00:14:21,640
I try.

302
00:14:24,040 --> 00:14:26,600
Mum, can you please explain
the rules

303
00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:28,000
of Splat The Rat to Dennon?

304
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:30,800
Is it a real rat? Because I don't
want to hurt any animals.

305
00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:32,120
No.  Why not?

306
00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:33,320
Because it's just not.

307
00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:35,400
What do I get if I splat it?
A Maoam.

308
00:14:35,400 --> 00:14:38,440
Can I just give you 20p and have
the Maoam without splatting it?

309
00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:41,440
No, you can't. You can't do that
because that's cheating.

310
00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:45,040
All right. I'm going to leave you
with my mum.  What?  Yeah.

311
00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:47,960
Ollie, where are you going?
Don't leave us with him!

312
00:14:47,960 --> 00:14:50,080
Carl Collins says I've got eyes
like a shark.

313
00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:53,840
If I give you a load of Maoams, will
you bugger off and never come back?

314
00:14:53,840 --> 00:14:55,720
Mm.  Yeah.

315
00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:58,160
Er, yeah.

316
00:14:58,160 --> 00:15:00,920
Done. Good deal is done.

317
00:15:00,920 --> 00:15:02,320
There we go.

318
00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:05,560
Knock yourself out. Bye.

319
00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:08,320
Right, now that I know
you're not going to judge me...

320
00:15:08,320 --> 00:15:09,520
Yeah.

321
00:15:09,520 --> 00:15:10,880
..do you want some gin?

322
00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:13,160
Oh, yes. I could kiss you.

323
00:15:13,160 --> 00:15:14,480
Don't do that.

324
00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:16,160
It'd make it weird.

325
00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:18,200
Oh, well done!

326
00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:21,040
Have you met Mr Graham yet?  Who?

327
00:15:21,040 --> 00:15:22,800
Mr Graham, PE teacher.

328
00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:24,360
Christ, he's the PE teacher?

329
00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:26,040
Yeah.  He's a bit of me.

330
00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:28,680
Yeah, he's a bit of me as well.
I'm going to call him over.

331
00:15:28,680 --> 00:15:30,840
Mr Graham!  Don't.

332
00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:32,880
Oh, hello. Ah!

333
00:15:32,880 --> 00:15:34,440
Sorry.

334
00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:37,480
How are you?  How are you doing?
All right.  Oh, my gosh. Yes.

335
00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:39,760
Sorry, I'm a little bit wet.
Yeah. Aren't we all?!

336
00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:41,680
Sorry. I don't know if we've met.

337
00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:43,680
No, we haven't met. I'm Jen.

338
00:15:43,680 --> 00:15:46,120
Oh, lovely to meet you, Jen.
Nice to meet you, Mr Graham.

339
00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:47,880
Yes, indeed. Yeah.
Are you going to have a go?

340
00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:50,920
Yeah, I'd love to have a go.
What is this? Splat The Rat? Go on.

341
00:15:50,920 --> 00:15:53,760
Nic, why don't you show Mr Graham
how to, er...

342
00:15:53,760 --> 00:15:56,080
Yeah, I will.  Go on.
Lots of skill on this.

343
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:57,400
So just swing.

344
00:15:57,400 --> 00:15:59,040
Yeah. OK. Lovely.

345
00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:01,640
God, you smell amazing.
Is that Jean Paul Gaultier?

346
00:16:01,640 --> 00:16:03,920
It is - you've got a good nose.

347
00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:08,880
What are we you doing? What are we
you doing? What are we you doing?

348
00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:10,680
Splat The Rat!

349
00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:12,480
You all right, Lucy?

350
00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:14,280
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

351
00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:16,120
Does the float need topping up?

352
00:16:16,120 --> 00:16:17,520
No.  Don't think so.

353
00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:18,840
No?  No.  OK.

354
00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:21,520
Well, I just spoke to Dennon's mum.

355
00:16:21,520 --> 00:16:23,560
Did you give him sweets?

356
00:16:23,560 --> 00:16:25,200
E-numbers?

357
00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:27,000
I'm just saying he cannot have them

358
00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:29,560
because they send him
completely bonkers.

359
00:16:29,560 --> 00:16:31,200
Oh, gosh!  See what I mean.

360
00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:32,560
It's pretty serious.

361
00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:34,680
That wasn't us.  We didn't do that.

362
00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:37,600
Definitely not.
Oh, no! I knew it wouldn't be you.

363
00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:40,480
So then why did you ask us if we...?

364
00:16:40,480 --> 00:16:43,240
Oh, by the way,
I've spoken to Miss Moss

365
00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:45,760
and the school are very happy
for 20% of the proceeds

366
00:16:45,760 --> 00:16:47,520
from today to go to Ollie.

367
00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:50,680
Why?

368
00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:52,640
For what?

369
00:16:52,640 --> 00:16:54,880
I thought he might need...

370
00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:56,120
Need what?

371
00:16:57,440 --> 00:16:58,800
You know.

372
00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:02,880
Equipment.

373
00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:04,680
No.

374
00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:06,800
No, no, no, no, no.

375
00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:11,240
Um... OK. Well, if you need me,
you know where I am, right?

376
00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:15,040
I should probably...

377
00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:20,560
You're going to go to hell.

378
00:17:22,440 --> 00:17:24,040
Hello!

379
00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:25,840
BOTH CHANT:  We won some fish.

380
00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:28,160
We won some fish.

381
00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:30,320
We won a fish.

382
00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:31,640
Hey, hey, I'll tell you what.

383
00:17:31,640 --> 00:17:33,960
Why don't we... You go upstairs
and I'll be up in a second, mate?

384
00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:35,400
Yeah.  OK. Yeah.

385
00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:37,760
We won a fish.

386
00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:40,000


387
00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:41,680
We won a fish.

388
00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:43,560
Hey.

389
00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:45,520
HE SOBS

390
00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:48,920
It's OK.

391
00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:54,600
Oh, my gosh.

392
00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:56,680
Where did you find him?

393
00:17:56,680 --> 00:17:58,640
Oh, that's amazing.

394
00:17:58,640 --> 00:18:01,520
Probably the best thing is if I...

395
00:18:01,520 --> 00:18:03,120
Oh, God! Sorry.

396
00:18:03,120 --> 00:18:05,120
Can I call you back in two seconds?

397
00:18:05,120 --> 00:18:07,280
Oh. Hello. Oh, my God!

398
00:18:07,280 --> 00:18:09,440
Did you just walk into
the wheelie bin?  Yes, I did.

399
00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:11,280
You just walked
into the wheelie bin.  Oh, God.

400
00:18:11,280 --> 00:18:13,440
Quite embarrassing.
Everyone's really nosy around here.

401
00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:15,200
They'll definitely
have watched you do that.

402
00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:17,160
Love these hanging baskets.
Thanks. Yeah.

403
00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:18,760
Mine never.... They always die.

404
00:18:18,760 --> 00:18:20,280
Oh, it's just manure.

405
00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:22,280
Oh, my God.  Yeah, yeah.

406
00:18:22,280 --> 00:18:24,760
You lost your cat?
No, I did lose my cat.

407
00:18:24,760 --> 00:18:26,800
Found him now.  Oh, great.

408
00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:29,120
I mean, it would be great,
but I've printed off 50 of these.

409
00:18:29,120 --> 00:18:32,280
50?  Yeah.  Didn't need
that many, did you?  No.

410
00:18:32,280 --> 00:18:34,360
Well, we should celebrate.  Yes.

411
00:18:34,360 --> 00:18:35,920
What are you doing tonight?  Nothing.

412
00:18:35,920 --> 00:18:37,840
Shall I come over? Bring Harry?

413
00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:39,320
Love that.  Bring some wine?

414
00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:41,680
Yes.  You know, there's vibes.

415
00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:45,880
Let's do it.  Great.  Love it.  Yeah.
Great. Yeah, you've found your cat.

416
00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:49,360
This is turning out to be
a bloody good day.

417
00:18:49,360 --> 00:18:51,640
Oh, hi.

418
00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:54,200
"Hey, honey, I'm home."

419
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:55,760
Oh!

420
00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:58,400
Look, he's home!
I could tell straight away.

421
00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:00,240
Sorry. It's not...

422
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:02,760
It's not Mr Meowgi.

423
00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:04,360
Thought he looked exactly like him.

424
00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:06,400
Yeah. I mean, Mr Meowgi's a tabby

425
00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:08,320
and this one's ginger.
It's my fault.

426
00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:09,920
I should have put
a colour photograph.

427
00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:13,240
Just put a black-and-white one.
But, yeah, I can see...

428
00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:15,520
But the markings are the same.
Similar, yeah.

429
00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:17,680
Did you have to come far?

430
00:19:17,680 --> 00:19:19,600
Yeah.  You did?

431
00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:20,920
I walked two miles.

432
00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:23,760
Two miles. Gosh.  With a cat.

433
00:19:23,760 --> 00:19:25,160
So what shall I do with it?

434
00:19:25,160 --> 00:19:27,320
I...don't know.

435
00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:30,280
Can I leave him here with you?
I don't want it, do I?

436
00:19:30,280 --> 00:19:33,440
CAT HISSES Oh. I'm just going to...

437
00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:34,960
Agh! Agh!

438
00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:36,800
You evil little...!

439
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:38,960
Agh!

440
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:41,040
CAT YOWLS

441
00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:47,600
I'll call the police.

442
00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:49,280
What? Why have you locked the door?

443
00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:51,920
It's you. I didn't realise. Sorry.

444
00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:54,320
Sorry. Oh, God. Don't ask.

445
00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:55,720
Who's that?

446
00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:57,680
Who? Some woman chucked a cat

447
00:19:57,680 --> 00:19:59,600
into Malcolm's garden
and just ran off.

448
00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:02,240
Oh, I've got a school mum
and her son coming over tonight.

449
00:20:02,240 --> 00:20:05,360
What? Why? You never invite people
over. You feel all right?

450
00:20:05,360 --> 00:20:08,680
Actually, she invited herself,
but, I mean...  Wow.

451
00:20:08,680 --> 00:20:10,480
I sort of quite like that.

452
00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:12,840
Must be love.  Yeah, I suppose.

453
00:20:12,840 --> 00:20:16,240
Oh, well, let me squeeze your tits
and I'll take the kids out for you.

454
00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:25,080
So, literally, he sent me this
last Tuesday, then nothing since.

455
00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:27,320
Like, how shitty is that?  Shit.

456
00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:28,840
He hasn't got time to WhatsApp me

457
00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:31,320
but he's got time to like
Demi Rose's fake arse on Instagram.

458
00:20:31,320 --> 00:20:32,720
He's such a bitch.

459
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:38,160
BOTTLES CLANK

460
00:20:43,440 --> 00:20:44,880
Like, if he keeps messing me around,

461
00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:46,920
I'm going to start shagging
that married bloke

462
00:20:46,920 --> 00:20:48,320
and see how he likes that.

463
00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:50,480
What, Mr Superdry?
He doesn't only wear Superdry.

464
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:54,000
That's what you said.  It's all right
when I say it, Lauren, but not you.

465
00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:00,480
Anything else?  Er, yeah.

466
00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:04,040
Do you think you could possibly
put this up in your window?

467
00:21:10,360 --> 00:21:13,400
DOORBELL CHIMES

468
00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:19,240
Dan, they're here!  Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah.  Well, they are.

469
00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:22,440
Hello, come in. Hello, Harry.

470
00:21:22,440 --> 00:21:24,680
Hi, Ollie.  Hi.  Jen, this is Dan,

471
00:21:24,680 --> 00:21:26,760
Dan, this is Jen.

472
00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:29,960
Hi, I'm Jen.  Hi.  Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.

473
00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:33,560
Dan.  Right. Well, have a great time
bowling.  Where am I going? Bowling?

474
00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:35,560
Yeah.  Well, hang on.
It's getting on a bit, innit?

475
00:21:35,560 --> 00:21:37,600
Shall we just whack a film on?
We've organised this.

476
00:21:37,600 --> 00:21:39,240
By the time I get there...

477
00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:42,600
OTHERS:  Bowling. Bowling.
Bowling. Bowling.

478
00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:45,080
And it's a strike!

479
00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:47,120
See you later.  See you later.

480
00:21:47,120 --> 00:21:48,480
Come on.

481
00:21:48,480 --> 00:21:50,400
I've got to be really good tonight

482
00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:52,720
because it's Ollie's birthday
tomorrow.  No, no, don't worry.

483
00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:54,360
I have to say that out loud,

484
00:21:54,360 --> 00:21:57,760
so it sounds like a good mum,
but, yeah, let's get fucked.

485
00:21:57,760 --> 00:22:00,320
Spill.  One, two, three.

486
00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:02,400
Whoopa!  Whoopa!

487
00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:06,360


488
00:22:06,360 --> 00:22:07,800
Is that sambuca?

489
00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:11,480

Prince would sing about

490
00:22:11,480 --> 00:22:13,720


491
00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:15,400


492
00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:17,240
One, two, three...

493
00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:21,000
I'm fine.

494
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:24,720
MUSIC BLARES
Yeah, can I get one deep pan, um...

495
00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:27,640
Um...deep pan.

496
00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:31,040
Yeah, I don't want tomatoes.
No tomatoes.  No tomatoes.

497
00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:34,520
Can I have that times not twice
but thrice?

498
00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:38,120
MUSIC DROWNS SPEECH

499
00:22:38,120 --> 00:22:40,280
It makes you look like....

500
00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:42,400
Don't take this the wrong way.  What?

501
00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:44,160
I don't mean it to be rude.

502
00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:46,560
What?  That collar...

503
00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:49,240
Yeah.  ..is a little bit...

504
00:22:49,240 --> 00:22:51,280
..dear Lord.

505
00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:54,440
BOTH:  What a sad little life, Jane.

506
00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:57,000


507
00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:58,680


508
00:22:58,680 --> 00:23:01,120

just where you're going

509
00:23:01,120 --> 00:23:04,720

Thank you very much

510
00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:08,800

with a human touch

511
00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:11,600


512
00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:13,520


513
00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:15,920


514
00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:17,840
I really, really liked him,

515
00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:20,160
and then he sent me this voice note.
Yeah.

516
00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:23,600
And on the voice note,
he said, "Goodnight."

517
00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:25,200
Yeah.  And then he said,

518
00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:29,120
"Sweet dreams, baby girl." SHE RETCHES

519
00:23:29,120 --> 00:23:31,680
I just felt like the disgust

520
00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:35,080
sort of travel up through my vagina.

521
00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:37,680
Holy Moley.
And I just ghosted him after that.

522
00:23:37,680 --> 00:23:39,600
I just totally...

523
00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:41,360
DOOR OPENS Oh, hi.

524
00:23:41,360 --> 00:23:42,720
Hi.  Hey.

525
00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:44,400
Oh, dear.

526
00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:47,000
Good time?
Yeah, it was fun, wasn't it?

527
00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:50,440
Could you make up the bunk
in Ollie's room

528
00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:52,800
because we've got Jen and Harry
staying tonight.

529
00:23:52,800 --> 00:23:55,120
Oh, yes.  Jen's going to sleep on the
sofa.

530
00:23:55,120 --> 00:23:57,040
Shoes off. Shoes off.

531
00:23:57,040 --> 00:23:59,200
And!  And!  And!

532
00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:01,200
And!  And!  And!

533
00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:02,400


534
00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:05,880


535
00:24:05,880 --> 00:24:08,880
It worked. It worked. It worked.

536
00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:11,560
He's here.
We're playing Silly Heads.  Yeah.

537
00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:14,440
No, it's not. It's Sticky Heads.

538
00:24:14,440 --> 00:24:17,360
Whose idea was it to play this?

539
00:24:17,360 --> 00:24:21,320
It was my idea.  Oh, really.
We've got a really good one for you.

540
00:24:21,320 --> 00:24:22,920
Have you played this game before?

541
00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:24,360
Yes.  You have played it.

542
00:24:24,360 --> 00:24:26,480
Of course I've played it before.
You know the rules?

543
00:24:26,480 --> 00:24:28,880
So you know how to play it.
Who wants to go first?

544
00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:31,200
You go first.  You go first.

545
00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:33,440
Yeah, DOM can go first.  Dan!

546
00:24:33,440 --> 00:24:35,000
Sorry.

547
00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:37,120
What did I say?  Dom!

548
00:24:37,120 --> 00:24:39,160
Dom!  Am I a bloke?
Am I a man?

549
00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:41,120
Yes.  Yes.  OK.

550
00:24:41,120 --> 00:24:43,000
Am I a movie star?

551
00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:45,680
Am I in the movies?  No.  No.

552
00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:48,880
Survey says...
Our survey says... Uh-uh!

553
00:24:48,880 --> 00:24:51,360
Sorry. Yeah. Right.

554
00:24:51,360 --> 00:24:54,280
So...am I Tom Jones?

555
00:24:54,280 --> 00:24:57,560
Am I Tom Jones?  You're not
Tom Jones, no.  I'm not!

556
00:24:57,560 --> 00:24:59,560
Where would you even get that from?
I don't know.

557
00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:01,840
Not a million miles away, though.
Can I have a go?

558
00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:04,000
Am I a man?

559
00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:06,040
Ahh!  Well, sort of, but...

560
00:25:06,040 --> 00:25:08,320
I don't know.
Not strictly. Not in the...

561
00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:10,240
You're, like, a male.

562
00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:12,800
You're male, yeah.  You are male.

563
00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:16,040
Where are you going?
But you're not a male man.

564
00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:17,600
She's so great.

565
00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:22,120
SHE YELLS

566
00:25:22,120 --> 00:25:24,160
That really scared me, actually.

567
00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:27,760
Am I alive or am I dead?

568
00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:29,640
Am I dead? Am I dead?  Yeah.

569
00:25:29,640 --> 00:25:31,160
Dead as a dildo.

570
00:25:31,160 --> 00:25:32,560
Dodo!

571
00:25:33,560 --> 00:25:35,240
Dead meat, yeah.

572
00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:38,160
So probably like a royal, something
like that.  Yes.  Yeah, you were.

573
00:25:38,160 --> 00:25:40,360
That's easy. Henry VIII.
Am I Henry VIII?

574
00:25:40,360 --> 00:25:42,640
Oh, my God, are you joking?
You cheated.

575
00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:44,840
I did not cheat.
No, I did not cheat.

576
00:25:44,840 --> 00:25:46,960
I think you're a cheat.

577
00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:48,720
You know what?
I'm going to hit the hay.

578
00:25:48,720 --> 00:25:51,840
Do you know what? Probably...
Babe, I wouldn't get too crazy,

579
00:25:51,840 --> 00:25:53,640
it's Ollie's birthday tomorrow.

580
00:25:53,640 --> 00:25:56,640
Oh, don't go.  Donnie Downer.

581
00:25:56,640 --> 00:25:58,960
You'll be struggling tomorrow.

582
00:25:58,960 --> 00:26:00,800
No, no, no.  Goodnight.
Goodnight.  Bye, Dom.

583
00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:02,640
Dan!

584
00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:10,640
OK.  Come on, girl. Crack that open.
That's just... That's not fair.

585
00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:13,720
Yeah, I know.  They're always like
that, blokes, aren't they?

586
00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:15,960
Do you know what I really miss?
What?

587
00:26:15,960 --> 00:26:20,080
The one thing that I'm lacking
in my life is, like,

588
00:26:20,080 --> 00:26:23,760
real, intense kind of passion.

589
00:26:23,760 --> 00:26:26,680
And, you know, like,
when you're a teenager,

590
00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:28,720
and you're feeling...
It's like, as if your nerves

591
00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:30,880
are exposed on your skin.

592
00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:32,280
I've never had that with anyone.

593
00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:34,280
Then you've missed out.
How have you not had that?

594
00:26:34,280 --> 00:26:35,800
You have?  Yes, I have.

595
00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:37,720
I've had that level of...

596
00:26:37,720 --> 00:26:39,840
What, with...  ..connection.

597
00:26:39,840 --> 00:26:41,560
Not with him.  Not with him.

598
00:26:41,560 --> 00:26:43,080
No, with a guy...

599
00:26:43,080 --> 00:26:45,640
It was a guy called Alex.

600
00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:47,840
And the thing was, right, about him,

601
00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:51,720
he wasn't, like,
kind of textbook handsome.

602
00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:53,840
Like, he was a bit hairy.

603
00:26:53,840 --> 00:26:56,960
No, but funny. Really, really funny.

604
00:26:56,960 --> 00:27:01,840
He's one of those people
that gets the absolute minutiae.

605
00:27:01,840 --> 00:27:04,680
It was like he was my twin flame.

606
00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:09,280
Well, what happened?
Did you break up, or...?

607
00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:12,440
No, we were...
I mean, it was an affair...

608
00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:14,520
Oh, God.  ..that was going on,

609
00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:18,800
I mean, for, like,
years and years and years.

610
00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:21,200
While you were with Dan?  Yeah.

611
00:27:21,200 --> 00:27:22,760
Oh, mate.  I know.

612
00:27:22,760 --> 00:27:24,680
I'm never going to have that again.

613
00:27:24,680 --> 00:27:27,080
What happened? Did you end it?

614
00:27:27,080 --> 00:27:29,800
You don't still see him, do you?

615
00:27:29,800 --> 00:27:31,560
No, I actually...

616
00:27:35,120 --> 00:27:37,240
He, um...

617
00:27:37,240 --> 00:27:39,040
BEEPING

618
00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:40,880
You all right?  Yeah.

619
00:27:40,880 --> 00:27:42,600
I'm sorry. I just don't know...

620
00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:46,800
Nic, are you all right?  Yeah.

621
00:28:00,360 --> 00:28:03,440
Oh, my God! Take your coat off!

622
00:28:03,440 --> 00:28:05,600
Help him.

623
00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:07,560
Oh, my God! The coat!

624
00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:09,720
Pull the chord! Pull the chord!

625
00:28:09,720 --> 00:28:12,400
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

626
00:28:12,400 --> 00:28:14,320
TRAIN SLOWS

627
00:28:14,320 --> 00:28:16,480
Oh, my God.

628
00:28:16,480 --> 00:28:18,640
SHE GASPS

629
00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:20,200
Oh!  Oh, my God.

630
00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:22,000
HE LAUGHS

631
00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:25,440
Oh, look. My feet can't touch
the ground. I'm literally dangling.

632
00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:27,240
HE GASPS

633
00:28:27,240 --> 00:28:30,000
I'm sorry. Oh, my God.

634
00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:32,000
There's no-one even here!

635
00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:33,520
I nearly sh...

636
00:28:33,520 --> 00:28:35,040
SHE SCREAMS

637
00:28:36,400 --> 00:28:38,600
Nic, you all right?